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Now that I am 2 1/2 years into this, my biggest complaint about all the parenting books is that they present the whole sleep issue as if there are only two ways to approach it: let them sleep in your bed of let them cry it out! Boy do I wish I'd learned more before I let my daughter sleep in our bed for 18 months before finally trying to teach her to sleep in her own bed. It doesn't have to go to either extreme. We are still working on this a year after starting the process! (My daughter, unlike the kids of the bashoe and ibneaters, is not mellow; I won't go into too much detail, but her intensity has probably made the whole thing harder for me.)

My biggest advice to you, and I have learned this the hard way, is to be consistent. Once you've made the decision, don't back down and say "oh maybe just for one night it's okay to let him sleep in the bed." This will teach him that the rules are flexible and that all he has to do is find the right level of fussiness or crying that will make you change your mind. It's an extremely valuable tool to put into a child's hands! (It's probably okay to let him come in with you at a certain time in the morning, for a nice cuddle before you really wake up. But it should be the same every day.)

I totally agree, though, that you don't have to let your baby cry. Letting him fuss, toss and turn, etc. will allow him to learn how to soothe himself back to sleep. (And boy do I wish I'd started letting this happen sooner!) Letting him cry, though, just teaches him not to trust you. Once he starts crying, pick him up or comfort him in whatever way you wish (you might not want to nurse if you want him to sleep through the night), then when he's almost asleep leave the room again (or just go back to your bed if his crib is in your room). Do it consistently, and he will learn to go to sleep without you, not crying himself to sleep, just gently drifting off in his own way.

SAHM in SF Bay Area

It's not so much that you "shouldn't" nurse him through the night, it's just that he may sleep better if you don't (which means you may all sleep better). I let my daughter nurse at night until, again, about 18 months. But it got to a point where she'd wake up constantly, and none of us were getting any sleep. By that point, it's harder to break the habit. At your son's age, he doesn't really need to nurse at night for calories, he's just doing it for comfort. There's nothing wrong with providing that comfort if you want to, but if it starts interfering with everyone's sleep it can be really, really rough. You may not have this problem if your son is mellow; again, my daughter is very, very intense and I'm convinced that has colored her sleeping patterns almost as much as the habits we've established.

You could consider a bottle, but you may not really need to. One trick I used when I was "night weaning" my daughter was to give her a little snack just before bed. Maybe some graham crackers or some apple slices with peanut butter (if he's eating that yet). But she was older so a bottle might work for you.

One book you might consider: "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Preschoolers and Toddlers." The author is very sensitive to co-sleeping and the issues that arise from it. She has great suggestions for making the transition to the crib or bed.

One last word: I don't believe any sleep arrangement is "wrong." What's important is how well it works for your family, being consistent, and everyone getting a good night's sleep. Good luck!

SAHM in SF Bay Area

Thankfully my son will take the breast AND bottle (he doesn't care where it comes from as long as he gets to eat! ) He went down last night at about 9:30 (he was sound asleep before I put him in his crib) and he slept until around 1 or 2. I nursed him and let him sleep with me until about 5:15, he then slept in his pack and play while I was getting ready for work. I'm not sure if what we're doing in "normal" or not but so far it works for us. I just don't want to "ruin" him. My pediatrician told me not do cereal ( I have no idea why). I may ask again at his next visit. I'm a big worrier by nature but I've decided to not let this bother me anymore. There are a thousand website that tell me I'm doing the wrong thing then there are a thousand more that say I'm doing the right thing. I'm just going to keep doing what works for us and hopefully the older he gets the more he'll sleep in his crib. But as for right now the "cry it out" method is not for us....

Good for you Bashoe. You have to go with your instinct. (And the routine you have going right now doesn't sound bad at all, at least you are getting some good stretches of sleep. And as you said, it works for YOU and that's all that really matters.) Remember, if it does get difficult to have your son in your bed, as it did for me with my daughter, you can always change your routine later. I can't say it enough, though: whenever you decide to make a change, just be sure you are consistent. Good luck!

Oh, and your doc probably told you no cereal because the baby doesn't know he's getting extra calories that way. There's a link between putting cereal in the bottle and children being overweight because they can't judge when to stop drinking (but when the child has GERD, that's a bigger concern and the benefits outweigh the risks).

SAHM in SF Bay Area

No problem! Thank you ladies both SO much! It's great to just get other view points or talk to someone who has been through it. I think as first time mom you tend to think you're the only one who has ever been through these things. I did call his Ped and the nurse told me to give him a tiny bit of cereal a night...She said they normally don't recommend it but with him she didn't think it would be a problem and that she would tell the Ped she told me to. In addition...I'm not sure if Carson is going thru a growth spurt or not but he has been going thru the bottled breastmilk like crazy...I sent about 16oz to daycare today and by 9:30am he'd already taken 7 of that! As of 1:15 they had 4oz left...I'm going to have to pump like crazy to keep up with him!

Brooke

You're welcome Brooke! It is definitely challenging being a new mom, and when you're doing something that your pediatrician (or in-laws, or your own mom, or whomever) does not agree with, it is extra tough. Neither my mom or my MIL thought much of us letting our daughter sleep with us, and when we started having problems with her sleeping, I felt like all I could hear in their tone was "I told you so" every time I brought it up.

Anita, I will definitely check out your blog when I get a chance! I've been wanting to start a blog myself, just haven't gotten around to it yet. Any words to the wise before I get started?

And by the way, where do you two ladies live? I am in Northern California currently...

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

Anita,

Thanks for the tips on blogging. As luck would have it, I DO have a geek husband, so I'm part way there already. LOL. I like to learn to do things for myself, but alas, I've allowed myself to become reliant on his tech skills. I visited your blog just now and it's great! I already started exploring Parent Hacks. What a great site! You obviously have lots of great tips to share. I'll be sure to check in again!

That's great that your MIL is so supportive. Mine actually is too, for the most part - just not with the sleep thing. I can practically see her rolling her eyes every time it comes up.

I'd love to say let's get together when you come out in October, but we might not be here. My husband has an interview this week in Southern California; we've been hoping to relocate there as we both have family scattered over various parts. I'm going to miss Northern California though.

Good luck with the homeschooling, that's fantastic. I think it's great for parents like you have the education background. Feel free to email me anytime (Brooke, you too if you're still reading this!) My address is pattireis@gmail.com.

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

Your Son sounds perfectly normal sleep wise for an 11 week old. A 5-6 hour stretch of sleep for a breastfed baby is really good. My daughter (now 3) wouldn't sleep unless she was confined but NOT swaddled. I tried having her sleep with me and even though I am a light sleeper too, we had one bad experience where I woke to her muffled noises under my pillow which was no where near her when I fell asleep 20 minutes earlier. That was the last time she ever came in bed with me. I had her bassinet at the foot of my bed for 4 months, but the only place she would sleep was in her stroller, thankfully her stoller bed disconnected from the frame and I just placed it in her basinet. Then at 4 months I moved her to her crib, slowly starting with naps first ,then at night when she got used to it. I did do the "cry it out" thing, but it only took 3 days and by the 3rd day she only fussed for about 5 minutes. After that she was sleeping 12 hours a night. I breastfed too but she got my milk in bottles because she never latched on correctly, so I pumped for 15 months with her. She would get a 5-6 oz bottle at about 9pm and she would sleep until about 9am.
I am a believer in "do whatever works" when it comes to babies, but don't set yourself up for more work later. Babies change their routines so many times in the first year, so don't bother getting too used to anything. Just find what works for you and your son and adjust to his needs as they change, or "tweek" the routine as I like to say. Consistancy is the key though, if you are consistant with him, he will be consistant with you. All the best to you!
Smile, it increases your face value!
Jodi

Hear, hear, I was just tipping my hat to 15 months of pumping too! I had a hard time pumping, I think because I didn't start it early enough. I only went back to work for a few months just to tide us over until my DH found a better-paying job, and right when I quit I had just begun to think I was going to need to use some formula to keep up with the demand. But my daughter nursed constantly in those early months, and actually until she was about 11 months. If I didn't have enough milk pumped, I think she would have just waited until I got home anyway.

Jodi, I agree with your advice to do whatever works. Unfortunately, the things that worked for us early on DID make more work for us later. Oh well. Live and learn...

Patti
SAHM in SF Bay Area

It is hard to keep pumping, Brooke. Just remember we all do our best. No matter how long you are able to provide breastmilk, you gave your sone the best possible start. Never feel guilty because you are doing your best!The pumping may get easier, and you also might find he adjusts his eating habits so he waits til he's home with you and just nurses then.

Good luck!
Patti

SAHM in SF Bay Area