help with teen daughter
Hi to all who are reading this ,First off my name is nicole im a mothe rof three beautiful girls and so far my life i sbeen great i know i am deeply blessed but let me just say i feel lost when it comes to my teenage daughter who might i add is not allowed to date till she 16, but that is where our problem begins ,she has started sneaking around with boys and its not that she has all this freedom i do like to know where she is,with thier parents and all that stuff that i know drives her crazy ,but hey shes my girl my first born she was in diapers not so long ago ,now it is makeup ,music friends,and family yeah i would like to know what happened to Family or school her grades have dropped this year to the point that im worried and she is not doing the work thats givin .Now my daughter is great she dosnt back talk ,she takes the punishments that are givin without complaint ,and she is a great big sis so great that the other girls adore her and that concerns me to cause like they say monkey she monkey do.Well i dont know what to do anymore i would never give pu but its heart breaking and i dont want her to make any mistakes that she cant fixi also want her to use her full potential she can do great things with her life i just need to help in getting her there .I have giving out so many differnt punishments takin things away ,no phone calls but everytime she starts toearn alittle of my trust she goes back and does something like that again.And the NO DATING TILL 16 RULE stands and thats it what can i do to make her understad she is wonderful and should demand greatness in her life i love her but im lost right now and need a little help from an outsider so thanks for reading
nikki
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Well my first thought is military school but some kids don't respond well to that. And it sounds like there's a lot she's not telling you. I would take her to the doctor and have her screened for depression-it's the slow and silent killer. Then I would enroll her in counceling-maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Problem is that a lot of teenages feel lost and empty because they haven't had any major life experiences to shape their lives. Maybe you guys could look for a job for her or a volunteer project to work on together like caring for a terminally ill patient or working in a soup kitchen. First and foremost though, go to the doctor.
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PermalinkYou have a reason to be concerned. Is (was) she in 9th grade? Last year was a tough one for my daughter who is now in 10th but barely 15 and she behaved the same way about grades and family. It was tough to see her go from A's to F's but she managed to pull her grades up to C's.
To try to prevent her from sneaking around, ask her to invite her friends over to watch a movie that you approve (girls and boys). Since she can't date, suggest group outings so that she takes girlfriends along to meet her guy friend who could also bring his friends to a public place like the mall where you do the dropping off. Make sure she has a cell phone to call you if she needs to be picked up early.
Make sure she has a trusted adult friend (one of your fellow mom friends, an aunt or uncle) that she can call to "rescue" her if she can't bring herself to call you when she is in trouble. A mom friend of mine and our youth group leader have offered that to my daughter so that she knows someone else cares about her and will help her no questions asked.
By having too many rigid rules you may drive her a way, but I don't have any other easy answer. Friends are more important to teenagers than family and we have to mourn that loss. My daughter is already talking about all that she is going to do once she is 18 and out of the house. It's a part of letting them grow up. I am not saying it is easy, but one day she will come back to you and be close again but it might not be until she is 21
Keeping the lines of communication open is important, but that is easier said than done. Give her space to grow but keep close tabs on her too. I feel your pain. 
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PermalinkUh I personally believe military school is so not the answer, thats a little too far dont you think?!. Seriously, I'm sure your daughter isnt that bad. You know I'm only 22 and I remember when I was 16 (it wasnt that long ago) all I wanted was some privacy and space to do what I wanted to do. You know, my parents raised me right, but were kinda over protected, which I think is why I did some of the things I did. I believe you just have to hope and pray you raised your children right and just trust them sometimes. I'm not saying let them do whatever they please, but really, If your too overprotected when she actually gets the chance to get out of the house then she might just party way too hard, because she FINALLY has the chance to. But what do I know, I'm only 22, my daughter is only 2...all I'm saying is that I remember the things I did and the way I felt when I was 16.
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