Sleeping away from home
My daughter is 2 and 1/2 weeks old. My mother in law is having a fit because I will not let her keep the baby overnight. She feels that she is not a part of the baby's life because she can't keep her over night. She doesnt make an effort to come and see my daughter during the day at all, and we are always expected to take the baby over to her house which usually ends up being late at night. I just dont feel that I am being out of line by not letting her keep her over night, she is only 2 and 1/2 weeks old for petes sake. I feel that if my mother in law really wanted to be a part of her life, she would make an effort and come over to our house and visit, I dont see why my daughter needs to sleep there, especially at such a very young age. Am I wrong???
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I don't think you are wrong at all. It seems to me that there is a little bit of a power struggle between you and your mother-in-law. I have the same thing. Just remember that YOU are her mother so YOU make decisions for her and if you are uncomfortable with it then you should go with your instincts. They aren't called motherly instincts for nothing. My son didn't spend the night away from us until he was about 5 months old. It was one night and let me tell you I went crazy for the first night but I called as many times as I felt was necessary to check in on him. I don't think I could've had him sleep away at two and a half months. I would just explaine to your mother-in-law that it has nothing to do with her but you nor your son are ready ready for that step just yet. Then just nicely say " but if you would like you can come visit him."
At this point it is very important to set boundaries and to let both sides know that you and your husband are the parents. I waited to set the boundaries for my husbands side and my side and believe me I wish I did it much sooner than I did.
Hope this helped
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PermalinkShe is right...you have to set the boundaries as soon as possible. You are the parent and no one else can tell you what you should do with your own child.
My MIL wanted to take our oldest son with her on a 4 month trip overseas when he was about 2 months old...uh, I don't think so!
To this day my own mother tries to take over when she visits or when she is around my sons. She gets angry and she holds nasty grudges against me for the longest time over the dumbest things. Anyways, my point is, you're the mom and that means everyone else has to play by your rules concerning your child.
If your MIL keeps insisting that you leave the baby with her, you don't have to keep explaining yourself. Take Luckyfor222's advice, tell her you are not ready for that yet, and she can come visit you. If she does not want to accept that, then you don't have to make the extra effort to visit her either. If she wants to see her granddaughter, she'll visit you. She may be getting older, but you're toting around an infant and baby gear, it is more difficult for you to get out than her. And you can always say something like, "we aren't coming over today because the baby is resting in her bed right now. If you want, you can come over after hubby gets home from work or tomorrow afternoon." This way you are in control, you are on your home turf, and your hubby is there to help deflect comments from the MIL.
My oldest son was almost 16 months old before I ever felt comfortable leaving him, and even then I am not sure if I was ready to or not...I was giving birth to my second son. My oldest son was ready for it because he had a blast with my sister and BIL while I was gone, but I wasn't ready for it.
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PermalinkAs you already know you are not wrong. I wouldn't have let my infant spend the night anywhere I wasn't going to be for at least the first 3 months. And probably not in the first 6 unless you have a real need for an over night. I wouldn't have allowed it even with my mother. Tell your MIL she is being childish and she isn't going to get her way no matter how big a tantrum she throws. She isn't going anywhere and your baby is only going to get older. For now she doesn't need to bond with the baby you and your husband do. She will have plenty of time in the YEARS ahead. Flat out tell her if she doesn't back off and be reasonable you don't want her around right now. She doesn't need to create problems that don't exist an rune what should be a special time.
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PermalinkI agree with all the Mommies above and think you should trust your gut. 2 1/2 weeks is too young. I can imagine what your MIL is really like if this kind of power struggle is happening so soon. My youngest daughter is 3 1/2 years old and she has NEVER spent the night anywhere but in her bed. I have a very regimented routine that works for my family and catch alot of crap from others because they don't agree with how I run my household. I just tell them that they don't have to agree with it or live in my house, but it works for me, my husband and our family and if they don't like it they can stay away.
Smile, it increases your face value!
Jodi
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