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Talking back

Today I was listening to my husband tell my twins to pick up their toys or he would throw them away. Immediately Matthew comes back with, "those are bad words, daddy, don't say that". Then he proceeds to tell my husband that if he throws away any toys he will throw away daddy's stuff.

I am just having such a hard time with the talking back lately. Any good suggestions to help curb this behavior?

P.S. I do know he gets it from me. When I was 4 my brother and sister (twins) were 2 and I have heard many stories about how I would tell my dad the right way to do this and that for my babies (my siblings).

posted August 7, 2007 - 1:19am

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See mom2leviandmaci's user profile
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mom2leviandmaci wrote 1 year 14 weeks ago

One of the hardest jobs (in my opinion) that comes with being a parent is teaching your children respect. Whether they're two years old or eighteen years old. My suggestion would be to talk to your husband about it and come up with a game plan when your kids aren't around or are asleep. You have to be united when dealing with the kids or they will divide and conquer you and your hubby. Come up with guidelines for the kind of behavior you would eventually like to see, then make the commitment to stick to it no matter how unhappy it might temporarily make your kids. The biggest thing is to be persistent. To make your kids realize that we will NOT tolerate this, it is unacceptable in our family, etc. That "these" are our family's rules and this is what is expected. Some things work better with different kids. My son was so easy you could raise an eyebrow at him and say "what did you just say to me?" and he would immediately realize what he did and apologize. My daughter was so difficult that I tried time outs, taking toys away, earlier bedtimes, etc. The only thing that I ever found to work with her was to not say a word and walk away when she started back talking. She'd realize that she didn't have an audience, pout a few minutes, then come find me and ask "why did you leave me?" (she's a social butterfly and can't stand being by herself). That would open the door for me to talk to her about her behavior. Surprisingly, it worked. You just have to find what works for each of your children. Like I said before, persistency and being united is the key. If they catch you caving in once, they'll try to get you to cave again. I don't want to discourage you, but respect is a lesson they have to learn over and over. And respect is something that is so much harder to teach when they are teenagers. If you don't have a foundation of basic respect when they are little, you're going to have a lot of problems when they hit eleven or twelve. You're smart for wanting to change things now. Maybe I'm just really blessed, but I really don't have problems with backtalking now. Occasionally if they are tired or upset, but for the most part they don't. I think it's because I pushed respect of other people and other people's "property" from a very young age. They know it's just one of those things mom won't put up with. Everyone told me how horrible the teen years would be, how I would be so stressed out, how they would act up so badly. Levi's 18, still lives at home pursuing his education, and I'm still waiting for those horrible teen years to hit Smiley He's a complete joy to me, not to say that it hasn't taken a lot of patience and persistence on my part. I think whatever you expect from your kids is what you will end up getting. If you don't expect much, you won't get much. If you do expect things from them, they know that and will work to go in the right direction. I hope that makes sense! Good luck!

See TheMentorMom's user profile
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TheMentorMom wrote 1 year 14 weeks ago

Aahhhh, I remember the age well! I actually did a post about this stage on my blog. Here's a link:

http://jillurbane.typepad.com/themen...

Hope you find the info helpful Smiley

The Mentor Mom, www.thementormom.com

See Mom of many's user profile
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Mom of many wrote 1 year 12 weeks ago

I feel you pain. I am getting it here, too.My toddlers are learning it from my teenagers and I am forever having to say a name in warning to one of the older kids to watch what they are saying around the yopunger ones.

Have you Hugged your child today and said I Love You. As they can leave us much to soon. Mother of 10, plus 3 Angels. Breanne, Beth and John. Together in Life, Together in Play, Together in Eternity. Gone home to Heaven Jan 8th, 2003. Forever in our Heart

See funfelt's user profile
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funfelt wrote 1 year 12 weeks ago

Kids really do what they learn and I honestly think it is healthy that he is sticking up for himself and responding by treating you the way he is being treated. It isn't nice and it isn't respectful but to have him respond in a different way, he needs to be treated in a different way, and see you treating each other in a different way. Telling a child that young that if he won't put his toys away they will get thrown away is just asking for an emotional reaction. Would you or your husband say that to each other if you left your shoes out? I am not saying it is OK for him to talk back but I am saying it is a natural and understandable reaction so try and see it from his perspective.

Try teaching your husband some other ways of encouraging him to be responsible for his own things. Set a timer for 5 minutes and do a 5 minute tidy at the end of the day. Make up bins with pictures of what goes in each one so he can easily see and be reminded of everything's proper place. Show him how when things don't get put away they get broken, or people trip and get hurt so he understands why he should do this. Treat him the way you'd like your spouse or friends to treat you if there was a bad habit you needed to change - what would encourage you to really change that habit? Sometimes incentives work, if he cleans up before dinner give him a gold star on a chart, after 10 of them he gets something from the dollar store - be creative and find a positive way to teach him good habits instead of bullying and threatening him. Kids are sponges but they are also mirrors. Good luck!

Karen Clark - Mom of 3 in California
National Executive Director
Story Time Felts
http://www.funfelt.com

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